Letter To Ladies: In Everything You Do, Avoid Fine LASU Boys

​By Similoluwa Ifedayo 

 Yes. You read the topic right. Avoid them or they will show you  shege. I will begin this letter with a rundown of how Mondays look like for me.

 Now, every Monday, two things are true about me, one is that I have hectic classes and two, I always wake up tired. The classes usually require me to be mentally stable and physically strong because I have to engage in back-to-back trekking under the LASU sun.

 What can I do? The degree must be bagged. So, in order to be stable mentally, the evening before, I decided to relax at a restaurant in the inner parts of Ojo. 

  Before, I go any further, let me beat around the bush a bit by going to the earlier parts of Sunday. Bear with me, please. It is part of the story. Just be sure to take a cold drink as you read through. Yes, so, I woke up around 6am, had my early Bible study/prayer, did my house chores, and had my bath. By 7:30am, I was done and was walking to First Gate junction when my neighbour saw me and offered to drop me at my church. Personally, I dislike him because he is an unfaithful boyfriend. He cheats on his girlfriend. But, I accepted because of the Ojo sun. Anyway, he dropped me off at my church and I attended the first service. After church service, I went home, and worked till 6pm. Then, I rushed to my favourite restaurant and got there just in time; a minute after, I would have fainted. No jokes. 

 Now, my story is just starting. At the restaurant, a waiter came to my table and gave me the menu. Checking through the menu, the price for a rice and turkey dish freaked me out. I was shocked so, I closed it. I compared the pricing with that of Iya Dayo's rice at Eco Market and no, It doesn't add up. Ordinary small enjoyment, you want me to finish my money. No way. So, I decided to reduce my order to a plate of Jollof rice and egg. As I was trying to get my order across to the waiter, a beautiful creature walked in. A very good-looking guy. My God, Omo, I must say, God dey create. I couldn't concentrate but I couldn't care less. 

  This handsome dude was wearing a sweatshirt, on a pair of Nike Air Force sneakers. Like, Bobo yi hans, o handsome (The guy is very handsome). He had the scent of blood money as he smelled so good. Not to mention his wristwatch! Oh my God, good money. Money is really good. The way he walked in, coupled with his carriage. He was really good-looking. He was tall and dark-skinned. I believe that we were compatible.  

  Moving on, the guy sat down beside me and I almost passed out. He greeted me, and I lost control of myself but managed to say hi. My School Identify Card was on the table, so, he was able to decipher my identity as a student of LASU. Quick one, just in case of a problem, always take your I.D card. Surprisingly, he didn't even allow me to talk as he had already told me his name, department, faculty and the fact that he was a LASUite. Immediately, I remembered my last story on ACJ-LASU last year, titled, "LETTER TO LADIES: LASU guys will show you SHEGE" and most importantly, I remembered that I had promised to keep looking out for the ladies. So, I decided to engage him in a discussion. 

  He was eloquent and I wondered if he was a member of the Lagos State University Debates Society(LSUDS). He had a beautiful smile which showed his lovely diastema (gap-tooth). My hard girl has been shattered and it's one of the things I do for my readers. So, a waitress came to take his order. He ordered dinner. The same dinner I was calculating that turned me into a momentary mathematics student, he ordered it with coleslaw and juice, without thinking twice. Spoiling the mood, the waiter who was to take my order, finally replied, "Sorry, ma'am, you can't have rice and egg. The egg isn't available." Oh, my God. Like the waiter just watered down my "tush" vibes. I just pouted because can't he see my Romeo beside me? Straightaway, I told him to serve me my rice and turkey, not to mention the Moi-Moi I told him to add, and a chilled wine. Nonsense. Juliet mi o kere o. Nonsense.

  Still on this matter, later on, my friend called in and I declined. She wanted to know why I wasn't home yet and yes, I know that I'm late but I can't leave my prince hanging, right? Another called came through. It was my promiscuous neighbour. I wondered why he called. Maybe, he wanted to pick me up but, again, I declined it. As in, no distractions, please. Back to my Mr Charming, I wanted to talk but I remembered my table manners. We looked at ourselves, he smiled and his diastema, once again got me flying out of this world. After finishing up with his food, he stood up. I thought he was trying to stretch or something, but, guys, he was actually done and ready to leave as he walked to the counter to pay and exit. 

  Still in shock, I couldn't believe he actually, left me there. No questions about my matric number or my phone number. I couldn't cry even though I felt hurt. As if I have not seen enough shege, one dude ate my Pizza and Ice Cream at Love Garden; now, this one made me feel special and left with my heart. I saw him drive off in his nice car, look fly and cute. It was late and it didn't even occur to him that I could use a ride. Really, this LASU fine boy is wicked. Just him, inside that fine car without any care for me. 

   To spice it up and finish me on this fateful Sunday evening, amid all the chaotic aura I was emitting, couples started walking in. Sincerely, Nigerians are jobless. Like, what are they doing in a restaurant on Sunday night? Are they not supposed to be preparing for Monday? Rubbish!

   At the end of it all, my main purpose for coming to the restaurant was not fulfilled as I looked down at my food realizing that I didn't really eat it because I was watching the fine guy who was eating. As usual, without fail, the waiter brought the bill which made me wonder if the bill was meant for everyone in the restaurant or just me. At this point, again, I became a mathematician for a minute as I asked, "How much is wine?" Even, the person I bought it for didn't deem it fit to give me his number or ask for mine.

  Bringing my story to an end, I cleared my bill since my name is precious like pure gold, maybe, next time, I will wash the plate but not that day. By the way, I have exhausted my weekly budget and I am broke. So, anywhere you see me, don't hesitate to squeeze some money in my hand. Finally, as I have said at the beginning of this letter, stay away from LASU guys. Have a wonderful week LASUites excluding the fine guys.