Five Ways To Have A Detty December Without Spending

Dauda Mistura

Amusingly the term ‘Detty December’, was coined a couple of years ago, by Mr. Eazi. Seemingly, he would never have expected it to have a cultural impact on the Lagos nightlife scene.

Now December in Lagos is characterized by various parties, concerts and fests. Basically, December is for premium enjoyment and unwinding from the typical ‘Lagos’ cloned stress even IJGBs.

A famous catchphrase in the lips of Lagos hype man says 'Azul no be for salary earners' therefore Detty December has account limit and many people who do not meet this standard feel unnecessarily pressured to 'turn up' during the holidays even when their account is vividly red. That is why I have come up with the necessary tips to make your December detty without money. 

1. Go to your village

 Well this may sound familiar and jocular but at a closer look it isn't. it is of utmost importance for a person to remember their roots. Nobody is going to pressure you in the village, and the best part is you can be a ‘baller’ on #50,000 salary. All you need to do is to buy loaves of bread and beverages and you are on a royal path to undivided treatment especially if you still have a grandma. You can also pretend palm wine is Hennessey! As they are both alcoholics. 

2. Stay in your house

Who says December can't get detty in your apartment? MTV base will give live and back-to-back update on various concerts, so virtually you are there! And if NEPA takes light, grab your Bluetooth speaker and boom a concerts at home. That way, you won't spend half of your salary, if not all, on tequila and salt. Who says staying at home is boring? Who says? 

3. Be Born Again

Churches and mosques usually have different programs lined up towards the end of the year, and this is the perfect time to accept God as your lord and savior and abandon the heathen ways! Accept God and be born again, and you don't have to spend a dime in December. I hope you listen to me. At least, it would do you the moral goodness and the financial perseverance.

4. Sell your father's house

What is shelter, when you can ball in the club? Remember, you only live once, and you have to make it as memorable as possible, even if it means rendering your parents homeless. In fact, you can get drafted with Lagos big men and squat with them. After all, it's no longer strange to see fifteen men in a Lekki apartment.

5. Go and steal

I know this is extreme, but if you feel compelled to post photos with caption like "we Dey outside" or like they say, "you want to bam bam, you want to chill with the big boys," and you don't have the ‘bam bam’ money, maybe you should enter a bank and steal because at this point, you want to live beyond your means. You want to order Azul on a 100k salary. Boss, just go and steal! I would be here waiting with my pad. 

There you have it! The best ways to make your December joyous on a budget. Some might seem jocular but it's just to remind us that there are ways to enjoy life without living beyond your means. No matter the situation, avoid billing and  do not succumb to unnecessary pressure. December comes every year, and we will ball when it's our time.