Sidechick Shenanigans: How I Knew that I Couldn't Be a Sidechick, especially to a LASUite.

​by Similoluwa Sharon

The last time I wrote to you about LASU MEN was when I penned the infamous article titled "Letter To Ladies: In Everything You Do, Avoid Fine LASU Boys." That piece of writing marked the beginning of my six-month hiatus from the enticing world of LASU men. However, as fate would have it, curiosity got the better of me, and I found myself yearning for a new experience and an update on the LASU men situation. Little did I know that this decision would lead me on a hilariously absurd journey, teaching me a valuable lesson on why being a side chick was not in the cards for me.

It all unfolded on a sunny day at the bustling Arcade, where I sat engrossed in my work at a cosy restaurant table. Thursday, June 1, 2023, was the date, and I couldn't wait for the week to be over. The days had been a whirlwind of rushing from one class to another, from one meeting to the next. Just as I was about to join a Google Meet meeting, a tall and confident guy approached me, breaking my concentration. "Hello, I'm Fope. I've noticed you've been here all week," he said with a warm smile. Surprised by the interruption, I replied, "Hi. Yes, that's true. I actually have a meeting to join now. Thanks for saying hi." With that, I swiftly plugged in my earphones and dove into my virtual meeting, leaving Fope to find a seat not too far from me. Little did I know that this chance encounter would be the beginning of an unpredictable and comical rollercoaster ride.

As the meeting drew to a close around 6:00 pm, my stomach growled, reminding me that sustenance was necessary after a long day. I decided to treat myself to some delicious Rice and Meat at the restaurant. I didn't have the strength to get Iya Khalid's beans and yam. To my surprise, when I went to pay, I was informed that someone had already taken care of my bill. I knew in my heart that it had to be Fope, but he had left the premises before I could express my gratitude. With a heart full of gratitude and a belly full of satisfaction, I made my way home, unaware of the twists and turns fate had in store for me.

The next day, as I navigated the halls of the Law Clinic, I stumbled upon Fope once again. This time, he was dressed impeccably in a senator's attire, complete with a finely-made fila atop his head. His accessories, from the wristwatch adorning his wrist to the necklace and ring that complemented his attire, showcased his exceptional sense of style. Even his choice of footwear, a sleek pair of black shoes, exuded elegance. Curiosity got the better of me, and I approached him to express my gratitude for his kindness the previous day. Just as a lady approached us, seemingly familiar to Fope, I excused myself, allowing him to catch up with his friend.

Later that evening, as if by some cosmic design, Fope called me. Our conversation was captivating as if he was a student at the prestigious ABC Speak Academy. He effortlessly asked open-ended questions and displayed a genuine interest in getting to know me better. It was as if he could read my thoughts, empathizing with the stress I had endured throughout the week. Fope had an uncanny ability to notice every detail about me, from the way I styled my hair to the radiance of my smile. He paid attention to the nuances of my dress and even the inflexions in my voice. He allowed me to vent, listening attentively without judgment. Our conversation lasted about 30 minutes, and when we finally bid each other farewell, there was a lingering sense of positivity in the air.

The following morning, as the sun rose, Fope's message appeared on my WhatsApp screen. We began chatting, and his exceptional conversational skills continued to shine through. Every word he typed reflected his unwavering memory of even the tiniest details about me. Day after day, our connection grew stronger, and it became increasingly apparent that we needed to define our relationship. The questions started to linger in my mind, and I mustered the courage to ask, "What are we? What exactly are we doing? Where is this going?" His response was a mix of vulnerability and sincerity: "Simi, I care about you. Please be patient with me."

With his promise of patience, the following week arrived, and we made plans to meet on campus. It was time to spend quality time together and have an open conversation. As we sat face to face, our words flowing effortlessly, a sudden interruption shattered the tranquillity. Fope's phone began to ring insistently. He hesitated, initially ignoring the call, but as it persisted, he reluctantly picked up. It was impossible to ignore the name displayed on his screen: "My Woman." My heart sank, desperately searching for an explanation that could alleviate the unease creeping into my soul. Perhaps it was his sister, mother, or a close friend? I clung to that thread of hope, attempting to brush off the uneasiness that had settled within me.

Fope finally answered the call, his attention immediately consumed by the voice on the other end. Glancing at his screensaver, I caught a glimpse of a picture of him and the woman, adorned with the caption "My Woman." Trying to maintain a sense of humour in the face of uncertainty, I jokingly remarked about the picture. Fope's sigh was laden with regret as he uttered, "I knew you would find out. But please, don't leave me. I was going to talk to you about it. Trust me, you are the one I've been spending the past few weeks with. I'm also working on making things better."

A whirlwind of emotions swirled within me—anger, sadness, and disappointment tangled together in a messy concoction. Despite the love I held for him, I found it impossible to stay in that moment. With a heavy heart, I stood up and left without uttering another word. Fope's desperate text messages followed, pleading for forgiveness and promising to sort things out. Despite the abundance of love I still harboured for him, I hesitated before responding. Eventually, I mustered the strength to reply, and while my heart yearned for resolution, my mind warned of the dangers of being caught in a web of uncertainty.

Days turned into weeks, and Fope grew closer to me once again. We spent hours conversing, relishing the connection we shared. But as fate would have it, one day as we crossed paths on campus, something felt off. Fope's once apparent excitement to see me had dissipated, replaced by an unsettling indifference. It was bewildering, considering the heartfelt declarations of missing me that had resonated through our previous conversations. He showed no interest in engaging in a dialogue, leaving me to tend to a nearby matter alone.

Emerging from the task I had undertaken, I caught sight of Fope once more, locked in an intimate exchange with the woman he had saved as "My Woman." She was undeniably beautiful, and Fope's attention was fixated solely on her. They seemed to inhabit a world of their own, lost in their romantic bubble. Observing this scene before me, I felt like an invisible side-chick in their grand romance, desperately trying to grasp a role in the narrative but constantly overlooked.

With a mixture of relief and amusement, I took a step back and watched the scene unfold. It was like witnessing a romantic comedy playing out right before my eyes, with Fope as the oblivious leading man and Funke, his woman as his leading lady. They seemed so wrapped up in their own world that they failed to notice my presence. It was a surreal moment, both comical and enlightening.

As I walked away, a smile tugged at the corners of my lips. The absurdity of the situation became clear to me. I realized that being a side-chick was never meant to be my destiny. It was a role I had unwittingly stumbled into, a role that didn't align with my self-worth and aspirations. I deserved to be the leading lady in my own love story, not a supporting character in someone else's.

The experience served as a powerful reminder of my own value and the importance of being with someone who genuinely appreciated and prioritized me. It was a lesson in self-respect and the recognition that audacity was not an attractive quality. I desired honesty, loyalty, and a love that would make me a priority, not an afterthought or a mere diversion.

With newfound clarity, I gracefully excused myself from the environment, leaving Fope and Funke to revel in their lovey-dovey bubble. It was time for me to embark on a journey of self-discovery, to write my own love story filled with laughter, joy, and genuine connections. 

Back in the comfort of my hostel, as I walked out of the bathroom still processing the absurdity of it all, my phone suddenly rang. It was Fope calling. Part of me wanted to ignore the call, to distance myself from the confusion and heartache. But a small flicker of curiosity urged me to answer. Hesitant, I picked up the phone and said hello.

Fope's voice filled the line, laced with a hint of desperation. He apologized profusely for his behaviour, acknowledging the pain he had caused. He spoke of his own confusion and the tangled web he found himself in. His words were genuine, carrying the weight of regret.

However, it was his next confession that caught me off guard. Fope admitted that he had been audacious, thinking he could juggle both worlds and keep everyone content. He acknowledged his selfishness and admitted that he had lost sight of what truly mattered. In that moment, I realized that audacity was not a trait that attracted me. I valued honesty, loyalty, and the assurance that I would be someone's priority, not an option.

Fope's heartfelt apology tugged at my heartstrings, but the damage had been done. I couldn't ignore the fact that he had disregarded my feelings and failed to prioritize our connection. With a mixture of sadness and relief, I mustered the courage to speak my truth. I told him that I deserved better, that I couldn't be part of a love triangle.

As the call came to an end, I took a deep breath. It was a bittersweet moment. I knew deep down that I had made the right choice, even though it hurt to let go of the moments we had shared. The audacity of LASU MEN! He had "My woman" but still wanted me. Anyway, I wish Fope and Funke, "The FF Couple," genuine happiness together.

Just like I wrote this last time, FEAR MEN! FEAR YORUBA MEN! FEAR LASU MEN.